AU Speaks: Who pays for dates?

By Madi Oglesby | Opinion editor

A couple of months ago, I went on my very first date. We went to a museum, got ice cream, and walked around Target for an ungodly amount of time. 

Before going into the date, I had an unconscious expectation that he would be the one to pay for the ice cream or whatever meal we may have gotten. I didn’t think much about this assumption. Mostly because he also had the same assumption– whether or not it was for fear that his mom would have some nasty repercussions if he didn’t.

This was something that I thought was normal, expecting the man to pay for the date. However, as I was talking to some of my friends about this topic, I found that some people actually believe differently. 

Some ideas that were brought up in these conversations were things such as splitting the bill and “whoever asks pays.” So, let’s look at these.

Splitting the bill seems to be the most common phenomenon that has taken effect in the past few years. Possibly fueled by this generation’s progressive movement, standing firmly on the belief that women are just as powerful as men and they don’t need any man’s help to get things done. 

Some women could also get offended at the idea of a man paying for their meal– feeling as though he is being condescending or rude. This prompts the woman to ask to split the bill, either 50/50 or just separate checks in general. 

When a poll was posted to the Augusta University shared Instagram story, only 11% of the students supported this idea of splitting the bill. 

To be completely honest, that response surprised me. I figured that most of the students at this school would have a more progressive approach to dating. That assumption was definitely proven wrong, showing that AU may have a bit more of a traditional approach. 

However, this introduced another question from people: how long have I known the person I am going on a date with?

For me, I had been talking to my now-boyfriend for almost a month before we actually went on our first date. We talked on the phone daily and texted almost constantly, so there was no first-meet jitters on our date. Therefore, I did not have much of a perspective on this question.

“If it’s a first date, I believe the man should pay– especially if he asked the woman out. If it’s a relationship that’s already months or years in, it’s good to take turns or even split the bill since you are both committed.” Maddie Edwards, a junior psychology/pre-med major from New York, shared her beliefs on this topic. 

While still holding to the belief that the man pays, she introduces the idea that more seasoned relationships could have different outcomes on the dates. Still, the question of the first date is the one that people desire to be answered. 

In this day and age, dating apps seem to control the dating scene– especially in big cities. This means that lots of first dates that people are going on are not reinforced by a long time of speaking beforehand. This poses the problem of being comfortable enough with the other person paying for your meal. 

In this case, one could make the argument that splitting the bill would be easier to avoid the awkwardness of the man paying– especially if you do not plan on going on a second date. 

“Going on a first date blind is a different story. While I still really prefer to pay for the date, I understand if she wants to split because there’s still a bit of awkwardness there.” Brian (who has requested for his last name to be omitted), a Sophomore cybersecurity major, speaks from his past dating experience. 

As for the point that whoever asks pays, this can also be tied into the blind dating aspect of modern times. There could also be an expectation beforehand that whoever made the first move to ask should be the one to pay. Meaning if the woman makes the first move, it is her job to pay since she stepped into that position by asking. 

This opinion seemed to be much more popular among the student body of AU, with 38% of students voting for this on the poll. 

This option is a good mix of both tradition and modernity, giving the option of the man paying. Especially considering it is more common for the man to ask the woman on the outing. 

Again, I do not have any experience with this particular viewpoint, but I do understand its appeal. It would make sense for the person who asks to do the paying, though I will say, I still stand behind my belief that the man should pay.

Maybe it’s just because of the traditional values that have been placed in me since I was a child. It could also be as a result of my being raised in the south, where traditional values run deep. 

The same could be said for the majority of students that participated in the poll, with 51% holding true to the belief that the man should be the one to pay for the date. These values are dear to the hearts of some of these students who responded.

“I believe that as a man, it’s part of his role to provide. It’s not about money– it’s about effort and showing that he values the woman he’s with.” An anonymous student shared, again reinforcing that traditional view that we in the south hold so dear. 

This was a great point to bring up, as it is another value that is instilled in each of us. The man is the provider, and many men believe in this too. They believe that paying for the first date is the first sign that he is serious about this woman and proving that he can fill that role.

“I come from a Slavic culture where paying for dates is a sign of etiquette and respect for the woman you’re on a date with. It’s not meant to be a transaction or for her to put something up front either. It’s a sign of seriousness that you’re involved both in the moment and in any possible relationship.” A sophomore Physics major, who has requested to solely go by Nikolai, also stands strong with these beliefs. Not only just because of his beliefs, but because of his culture, showing that he has also been raised with this value.

“It represents a level of respect and gratitude for her time and company. To me, it’s only natural for the man to pay because it shows his level of involvement. It’s not about the money; it’s about a man’s character, upbringing, and ability to provide.” Nikolai elaborates, mirroring the past response that it is the man’s job to be that provider. 

I completely agree with each of these statements. Call me old-fashioned but it was important for me– going into my relationship– that he showed qualities of being the provider. I date to marry, so it was important to me to see those husband-like qualities in the man that I hope will be the future man-of-my-household. 

Something that reinforced this with my boyfriend was his insistence (which is continued to this day) on paying for the meal. Even now, two months in, I still cannot take my wallet into restaurants, as he believes it is his duty to provide for me in that way. 

There are many more articles that can be written and conversations that could be had on this particular topic, but the Augusta University student body made their voices heard. Maybe the traditions really do still run deep, even in this progressive society.

Contact Madi Oglesby at auoglesby@augusta.edu.

Candlelight dinner. Image obtained by Pixabay. provided by @planet_fox.

Note: The photo at the top of the page is a stock image from Pixabay, provided by @mina6120. Photo of man and woman holding hands.